So, Sir left. With all of the crying and blubbering I had done in the months leading up to this and the FEAR I felt at going at this "alone", I thought I'd have been a huge mess when it actually came time to part ways.
I wasn't. I welled up with tears a few times...but only a few spilled out and down over my cheeks where he'd catch and gently wipe them away. I guess I was pretty much cried out by then. We snuck away for a little bit of privacy because who wants to hug and kiss and cry in front of everyone? Not me. I took a few pictures (am I the queen of self-portraits by now or what? hahaha!) before sending him on his way. Not goodbye. We said, "see you later" because we will. He headed back but turned around one last time. We waved. I shouted, "I love you!" and he was gone. Just like that...he was gone.
I'm not entirely sure how I made the 20 minute drive home (and apparently to Wendy's first because it was 2pm and I hadn't even had breakfast). My head was buzzing. Everything felt foggy. I felt completely out of it...but focused on the road at the same time. No tears have spilled since. I've welled up...but no spillage quite yet. I think when it becomes clearer that he's in Afghanistan and not in the field, I'll cry more. I think that when the kids stop tiptoeing around me and start acting like their wild selves again, I'll beg for mercy and a break and there won't be a man to say, "babe, go take a break...I'll handle the kids" and then I'll cry.
Adjusting. We're all adjusting. I said on Facebook that it's comparable to the feeling a house has when a new baby is added to the mix. You know that...buzzy...quiet...strange feeling that comes with a new baby? That's exactly what this feels like..except, I have no new baby and my husband is gone.
We'll be okay. All 5 of us.