Day 15

I've felt so caught up in my mommy mind lately that I haven't given much thought to my wife mind. I've been feeling so so stressed out and just tired. So tired. It's hard doing this alone. No friends or family in sight. Not easy, that's for sure. I'm trying.

Today was actually the easiest-going day yet. The kids were just happy. Minimal yelling. This makes me happy. Also, it opened up the room to consider my husband. Which is so alien to me...not considering my marriage. But when he's here, he helps. When he helps, I'm not stressed and it allows me the time to focus on us. To be cute and lovey and annoy him just a little. But, you know, he's not here and I'm going going going from children up to children down (and most nights since he's been away, in the middle of the night too.). By the end of the day, I'm beat. I've been going to bed around 9 lately. That's new.

So, my mind is open, and I'm thinking about him. I miss him incredibly deeply. My best friend. My very best friend in this whole world. This big old house feels so strange..so lonely without him. Like there's an entire void where he should be. At the table, on the couch, walking beside me, and talking to the children. I still look over to where he would be for input. It's so dang strange.

Sometimes, I think, 'Man! Time must be flying!' because there's just been so much going on. And then I look at the date. Oh. It's only been 15 days. Sigh.

Must. Keep. Busy.