Thursday, May 16, 2013

Day 15

I've felt so caught up in my mommy mind lately that I haven't given much thought to my wife mind. I've been feeling so so stressed out and just tired. So tired. It's hard doing this alone. No friends or family in sight. Not easy, that's for sure. I'm trying.

Today was actually the easiest-going day yet. The kids were just happy. Minimal yelling. This makes me happy. Also, it opened up the room to consider my husband. Which is so alien to me...not considering my marriage. But when he's here, he helps. When he helps, I'm not stressed and it allows me the time to focus on us. To be cute and lovey and annoy him just a little. But, you know, he's not here and I'm going going going from children up to children down (and most nights since he's been away, in the middle of the night too.). By the end of the day, I'm beat. I've been going to bed around 9 lately. That's new.

So, my mind is open, and I'm thinking about him. I miss him incredibly deeply. My best friend. My very best friend in this whole world. This big old house feels so lonely without him. Like there's an entire void where he should be. At the table, on the couch, walking beside me, and talking to the children. I still look over to where he would be for input. It's so dang strange.

Sometimes, I think, 'Man! Time must be flying!' because there's just been so much going on. And then I look at the date. Oh. It's only been 15 days. Sigh.

Must. Keep. Busy.


Jenna said...

This makes my heart hurt for you. Those days of little ones can be so isolating, even with a husband. I can feel how hard you're working and how lonely you must feel. I became a single mom when my kids were around the same ages as yours are now. It's hard to not have family around. I wish for that all the time too. I do hope that you'll be able to find a friend or two, though. It sure does bring strength. I don't know what I would have done without those friends who saw me through those days, and are still with me now. And even when the husband is home, friends are a blessing.

What can I do for you? Anything? I know I don't have any money right at the second, but so you know, I do dream of hopping on a plane with Conor to come visit you and give you a break. xoxo

Rory Mcclane said...

Nice post and do not be disappointed about think negative things.God is good

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