7-21-2010

I'm in love. I'm SO in love!

Yesterday afternoon, I was sure I just wanted the day over with. Between battling the kids over various things ("stop fighting!" "stop squealing!" "Give your brother back his toy!" "No, you cannot have a snack") and Maddox (who has been AWESOME at potty training for the last month or 2)..continually wetting his pants and making a mess everywhere, I wanted to run away. I needed sleep. I wanted a day do-over. Let's everyone go upstairs and start all over. Try this again.

I almost cancelled my doctor's appointment because I was so grumpy. But..I pulled myself together long enough to put make up and clothes on and head out the door. Sans kids, of course..because I didn't even want to look at their faces. I felt bad about not bringing Orion along with me..but the kids were attempting a nap (read: Maddox was sleeping..Calix was up there playing and having a good ol time..which is against napping rules.) and I needed a breather. Besides, it's just going to be a meet my complicated pregnancy doctor and go over some test results kind of appointment..no use in dragging everyone along for something so boring.


I pulled into the parking garage and found a parking spot literally 1 minute before my appointment was supposed to be. Being late bugs me. Lateness gives me anxiety and makes me feel like I'm being disrespectful..but Orion got home late (like so late it gave me 15 minutes to get there and find a parking spot in the hell that is Tripler parking) not much I could do about it. So, I hustled my rump up the steep hill towards the OB/GYN clinic..checked in and sat for maybe 7 seconds before being called back. Still out of breath. Heart pumping. Oh, great..they're going to take my blood pressure and it's going to be out of control. *sigh*

Weighed in at 6 ounces less than I was 2 weeks ago (woo!)..in the middle of the afternoon AFTER lunch (woo! woo!). And then...blood pressure. Dun dun duunnnnnn!

It's not news that I have high blood pressure. Ever since I was pregnant with Calix it's been high. Ridiculously high. Waiting on a stroke kind of high. Losing those 60 pounds over the last year barely budged it. So at my last appointment 2 weeks ago when it was at 158/94, it was time to put me on meds. Yesterday, it was at a cool (to me) 140/82 which I thought was amazing..especially since I was still frazzled about the hill and being late and what not. Down 18 points in 12 days?! YES! The nurse wasn't as impressed as I was. Oh. (but she did know right away which perfume I was wearing..which I thought was amazing)

I sat and waited for my doctor and when he came in, he had a worried/sad look on his face..which freaked me the frig out. So I looked at him all scared and asked "what? Is there bad news?? What's going on??" and he was all "what? no. Nothing's wrong" and I said "oh my gosh, you SCARED me! The look on your face and.." then we jabbered back and forth for a few minutes clearing things up and what not and I laughed and assured him I'm not a too serious kind of person and that it's okay and kind of funny, really. Ya know.

But my test results? All of them? Stellar. Perfect urine in my 24-hour collection (thank you..thank you..)..my blood looks great..my lady test was perfect (except for finding out I have a friable cervix..and that my uterus is like..long? Like it sits like a football or something? I don't know. It's kind of weird. But nothing to worry about) and then he went to listen to the baby's heart.

Question..for those of you who've been pregnant, do you know exactly where your baby is perched within your body? Because I do. I can feel him or her..and have been able to for about 5 weeks now. (which seems ridiculously early..but I know my body and can feel slight changes, I guess. I'm a weirdo.) A couple of weeks ago, when we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time, I knew the baby was on my left side..but I didn't say anything because I thought it might sound too weird and the midwife might have told me I don't know what I'm talking about..and then what if the baby turned up on my right side and I was wrong that whole time (even though I could put a 99% accuracy on the whole thing)? I would look so stupid. But, it didn't surprise me one bit when after digging around on the right side, the baby ended up being on my left. That's where I feel the thumps. When I lay down, that's where I feel the little squirming arounds. The familiar feelings.

The person I saw yesterday was a resident..not my real doctor. I told him I felt the baby on my left and he began searching for a heartbeat. Couldn't find one. He assured me that he was still new at this..but that if he can't find one, he'll just do an ultrasound. EEEEE!!!! I dang near did an air jig on the table. He asked me if I wanted it to be a girl or a boy and I was honest and said I have 2 boys at home and since this is my last baby..I'd really like it to be a girl (though..if it's a boy, that's more than okay, too..I just want my chance to have a daughter, ya know?) so from then on, anything having to do with the baby he referred to it as "she" and I'm like "you're getting my hopes up! In 5 weeks if I find out it's a boy, I'm just going to have to cry..you know that, right?" just poking at him..because, whatever, if there's anyone you should be real with..it's probably your doctor (and your spouse..but ya know..ya know.). I tried to get him to at least TRY to get the gender of the baby (hehehehehehe) but he said there's no way it was even possible and the quality of picture on this ultrasound machine wasn't great because it's the kind they use down-range and what not. So. Okaayyyy..let's just see the lil heart a fluttering away!

We saw the face. We saw the body, the bum, and the legs. I don't think I have ever..ever been so in love right away with one of my babies. Is that weird? I feel like I've been waiting SO long for this baby..and that I'm actually finally ready to BE pregnant. Things just feel different with this pregnancy. I feel..more grown up or something. Hard to explain. But guess what? Totally on my left side. Without a doubt in the world..it's just lounging on my left side. I asked for a print out..not thinking I would really get one. He said he wasn't allowed to do that..hit print..handed it to me and said not to show anyone there because ya know. I thought that was pretty cool of him.

I tucked the picture away in my purse and when we were done, I walked out of the hospital with a stupid grin on my face and feeling like I was floating. I felt high. I felt drunk. As I walked back to the parking garage, I updated my Facebook status about being so in love and seeing the baby for the first time. I texted Orion about how I got to see the baby. As I climbed into the van, he asked if I got a picture and I said "he wasn't allowed to" and then giggled the whole way home..my world feeling fuzzy. I teared up..I laughed loudly..I even allowed people to get in front of me while driving so I could relish the feeling a little bit longer. When I got home, I went over the happenings with Orion. I tried to explain how sweet our baby looks..I went over the little face and the long legs and then I said "wait..here, let me just show you" and I pulled out the picture. He said "I thought you said he wasn't allowed to give you a picture??" and I said "he wasn't. But he did anyway" and then I laughed and he laughed because I'm always doing things like that to him. We both gazed at the little being in this picture in front of us and we hugged and laughed. It's amazing how fantastic your reactions can be when you're both totally ready and excited for this baby. The finishing touch on our family.


She/he..is just chillin away in there! Check out those gorgeous long legs!! The long torso! Is it just me or does it look like the arms are behind the head in total chill mode? This one has a total Delgado child face already..I can already see a lot of the same features my babies have. I think I've been staring at it too long :)

And I'll just bet if they took my blood pressure while I stared at this little person, it would have been a perfect 120/80.