Friday, October 03, 2008

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day

Yesterday was a tough one. The toughest I've had since those beginning days when Orion first deployed and I was dealing with a newborn and a jealous toddler. The kind where you just want to run outside and scream just to save yourself from seriously injuring your offspring. Yeah.

You saw how it started..Calix torturing Maddox at the breakfast table. Let me say it didn't get any better from just got worse. Three is not better than seems to be more difficult thus far because he understands more. Because he SPEAKS and because he's developing an attitude and because he's not my tiny little super guy anymore but "I a big boy! Maddox baby..I big boy!". Ya know..if you're such a big boy..start acting like one. Stop torturing your poor little brother who just wants to play. And ya know..sometimes he DOESN'T want to play toys with you..and that's okay, too. You can't *force* someone by dragging them by the shirt to play toys with you (I mean..I guess you could..but who wants to play with someone who does that??).

Yesterday, Calix tested me harder than I studied for, ya know? He stood in the corner multiple times. He spent many hours in his room because he would NOT take a nap (and around these parts? If you refuse to nap, you are not allowed to be cranky for the rest of the day because YOU *CHOSE* not to nap). Sometimes he just doesn't want a nap..and I get that..but please try because you are only 3 and your little body still needs a rest.

So..he punched Maddox in the face yesterday. Don't ask me where he learned that one because I honestly couldn't tell you. He was scolded. After I got done curling my hair, I went to my room to put moisturizer on so I could start the make up process. In that 45 seconds, I heard a huge thud and ran out to the hallway just as Calix was running to hide in his room. Guess what he did? He shoved Maddox into the wall..face first..and then he slid down the wall..ya know, with his face. It was worse than I can even describe to you. Maddox had a huge bump on his forehead and his nose was bright red and scratched up (textured wall) and he was *bawling*. I'm trying my hardest not to spank my children..and I'm doing a great job of that. But you'd better *believe* he got a spanking for that. There is no excuse great enough whether you're 3 or 30 to do that to your brother. All I have to say is..poor Maddox.

I just don't get it. It was towards the end of the work day for Orion..and after I'd calmed down a bit, I called him and told him he needed to get here as soon as he could because he needed to run interference on me and Calix. I was just so fed up. I needed a break. I wanted to do the grocery shopping alone just to be away from it all for an hour or so. He got no dessert after dinner. I don't care if you ate everything on your plate..your daily actions also reflect whether you get dessert or not. Treats are not given to the misbehaved. Period.

It's awful to be a mother and feel that way about your babies..but I also think a lot of you can agree with me when I say it does happen and that I'm just being honest and not sugar coating things because being a mom is NOT fun ALL the time. It's hard and frustrating and sometimes you feel things about your children that you're sometimes afraid to admit to because you're afraid of what others will think of you. What a bad mother, that one!'s's natural and those feelings do pass.

What you can do, just hope that tomorrow will be better. It usually is.


Hannah said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day Abs. I did too if it makes you feel any better.

Also, my opinion here, there's nothing wrong with spanking so long as you do it the right way. Don't do it in anger. Always let the child know why they are getting a spanking and then make sure you let them know that you love them and that is why you have to discipline them. Most important is consistency. If they know they have a 1 in 5 chance of getting a spanking or disciplined for that matter, they WILL take that chance. If they see that every time they get disciplined for a certain behavior, they won't take that chance.

Our kids don't get spankings everyday or very often at all anymore really. But they know that when they disobey, they will get one.

Abby said...

I don't spank in anger. I do not remove clothing, either. It's a firm smack on the bottom over the diaper. I don't do it everyday and it breaks my heart a bit when it needs to happen. Usually, the corner is what gets his attention (and I don't care where we are..every place has at least one good corner and he's learned from experience I will actually put him there if need be. People stare at me and someone even said something once about me being Supernanny because of it..but ya know, this is part of why my kids are well behaved out in public. I do in public what I do at home.) but in the rare occasion that he's physically harming another person, I will step in and give him a spanking. I always always get down on their eye level and tell them exactly what they did and why they shouldn't do it and what happens when they do. I try to be as consistent as possible but my eyes can't *always* be on them..and that's when he thinks he can get away with things he wouldn't normally dare try.

I'm a pretty decent mom..I just hate that today people were googling "spanking" for whatever reason..and ended up coming to my blog because of it. I'm honest but I also hate feeling like people are judging me for the way I do things around here, ya know?

YogaNana said...

I spanked. But you know that. :o) I didn't beat, I didn't flog, I didn't abuse ... but I spanked when it felt necessary. I know it's not cool these days, but I was spanked (not beaten) and I think I turned out okay. I think all nine of you turned out okay, and nobody loves their kids any more than I love mine.

I think if random strangers are googling key words and coming to our blogs written for ourselves, our family, and our friends, and then passing judgment, it may be time to lock the blogs.

Just My Humble Opinion.

Sarah said...

I agree with all that has been said. My kids get spanks. The belt however, has never been aloud. I've never been super good with timeouts, although they have spent time in their room on occassion. But I hand out spankin's when necessary, and it's not every day...they are fairly rare around here also anymore. My kids are very well behaved though, so I don't think I'm doing anything wrong as far as how they are punished. Whatever works for you. It's different for each family.

But it does get better, Abby! Er, I assume....I had 2 girls first, so I think that made it easier for me. But hang in there! You're doing a great job!

Hannah said...

You're doing great Abby! You are an awesome Mommy to those two boys.

Hilary said...

I think you're doing an awesome job Abby! :)

bombadil2 said...

Well, I never had children of my own, but I was a child once, and I was spanked, rarely and only for serious matters like the one you're talking about, and I never doubted that I was loved. Personally, I think it was the right thing for my mother to do under the circumstances.


Jenna Consolo said...

Abby, I love you. I was supposed to call you yesterday, but I too was having a rotten day. (Not because of my kids though). I am not a mom who spanks, but I have no judgement on those who choose to. It isn't right for me, but I think that for those who do so it can be done in a non-abusive way. Parenting is so hard. No two ways about it. And sometimes kids, with limited vocabulary and limited means of expressing emotion, have really bad days too. Sometimes I feel like smashing someone's face into the wall, and the only thing preventing me from doing it is the maturity I've gained. I think you are a really good, really consistent mom, and your kids are in great hands with you. Hang in there. Hopefully the rotten days are few and far between.

Love you. I also totally respect your decision to go private. Please include my email!