Friday, June 13, 2008

Another one bites the dust

Let's not tiptoe around anymore. I'm in the middle of another miscarriage. Officially. That makes 2 in just under a year and ya know..it breaks my heart.

This'll probably get a little gross for some of you..so don't read it if you get squeamish (especially you brothers out there who don't wanna talk or think about their baby sister in this way).

I've been aching for a baby pretty badly lately..and I knew I was pregnant...I just knew I was. All of the signs were there..even something that ONLY happens to me while pregnant was happening..and I just knew I was. I know how my body acts when there's a little something going on..and it was doing it all. I got what seemed to be my period about 2 1/2 weeks ago (literally the day after we got back from Arizona)..but then a few days later I started spotting. I figured it was the attachment process or whatever you wanna call it. Then all of a sudden about 2 or 3 days ago..it just got really heavy really fast. I was destroying underwear everywhere I went. Orion was constantly rushing me a new pair while I sat on the potty dripping and feeling helpless. I'd leave droplets on the floors. Nothing was holding anything back. Last night, I sent him out for migraine Excedrin and more pads. As soon as he got home, there was a sudden nasty gush and I jumped off the couch so I wouldn't ya know..ruin it..and ran into the kitchen. I was tired tired tired of ruining underwear..so I pulled them off and that's when it happened. Orion was all "squat while I go get you new underwear! You're getting it all over your pants!" so I did..and there I sat, once again, bleeding and helpless..a puddle gathering under me..and then SPLAT! A mighty clot fell right out and landed in the already massive puddle sending splatter marks in every direction. That's when I knew it was for sure. Orion came back down and was all "I knew it. You were bleeding differently than you normally do..so I just had this feeling you were miscarrying." He stood me up and held me for a while. It was a pretty quiet night after that. He'd ask how I was feeling and all of that every now and then..because I'm obviously sad about it. Who wouldn't be? I almost feel like a failure for not being able to hold onto it. And I'm wondering if that's part of the reason my blood pressure was sky high..because it's usually only super high when I'm pregnant. I guess I'll see in the next few days as it finishes off and I head back in to check my blood pressure.


So yeah..I've been moody. I've been really tired. And I've been hurting. That's what's been going on with me..as graphic as it is.

7 comments:

YogaNana said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Abby}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(That's a bug hug, you know.)

I lost six, sweetie. Didn't make me a failure, doesn't make you one, either. Sometimes it just isn't right.

Our condolences, of course. Take care of yourself.

Love,
Mom & David

Hilary said...

I'm so, so sorry. ((big hugs))

chelsea said...

That sucks hun...at least you know now...I'm very sorry...glad he's here with you to hug you and give you lots of kisses.

Hannah said...

Aww Abby! I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how horrible you must feel right now. Just know that you're not a failure. It happens. Don't give up.

Hey maybe this is a good excuse to go underwear shopping!! That's always fun!

YogaNana said...

and while bug hugs are certainly nice, I hope you know that was intended to be a *BIG* hug!

Sarah said...

Aww, Abby! I know how you feel and I'm so sorry for your loss!

We all know you are ready for #3 and it's hard to deal with this sort of thing. Like my mom told me a couple months back when I was experiencing a miscarriage...it happens for a reason...usually because things aren't developing properly and had it continued growing, there would have been bigger heartbreak down the road. Not that this makes it easier to accept, but I was certainly glad it happened at 5 weeks for me, rather than 20. Take care of yourself! We all love you!

Jenna Consolo said...

Abby, this makes me so sad for you. I felt my heart ache for you as I read this. You'll get your sweet baby girl, don't worry. I love you. And I'm so sorry.