Because ya neva know

Ya know.. it's weird. It's strange to me that about a year after this picture was taken, I was about to have my very own child.



If you were around me at that time, you would have known that was the furthest thing from my mind. Ya know..children that were *mine*.

I do not regret (obviously), the way it all happened. I remember calling my mother up (before I even told Orion) and telling her that I was pregnant. I was waiting for her to yell at me..but she didn't. I should have known better. I knew this woman.. I couldn't imagine her being angry with me for such a thing..but..it also wasn't so long ago that things were different around the house, either. I'm sure had my father and me been closer, he would have scolded me or something..but whatever. I also wasn't the first girl in the family to get pregnant without being married, either..so probably by that time..they'd just grown used to it. That's one of the perks of being the youngest girl, I think. You have others above you making the same "mistakes" you're going to later make..so by the time it happens to you, it's like..meh..been there, done that. Easy street.

I wish, a lot of the time, that my sisters had the same mom I did. By blood, they do. But by experiences..they don't. Far from. The mother they had growing up and the one I had (have) are complete opposites. They mostly went through their teen years with a Mormon mother who was super hard to talk to about anything. And then there I was in my teen years, curled up in balls on the hallway floor screaming from heartache or really bad cramps, and she was there to make things better. Whether it be ice cream or rushing out to get me Tylenol. They never got to experience a girl's night in with her that featured sappy chick flicks, a special trip to the grocery store to get chubby foods, and wine coolers (though..she could only have 1 because she's a cheap date). They never got personally invited to join her and her friends in their rituals and other fun get togethers. Then there are the things that I know they're glad they didn't get to do..and I'm almost sorry I did..but at the same time, at least my mom was there to understand or to just laugh at me. I feel bonded to her because of that.

My mom was the one who sat me down and talked to me about my drug problem. Did you know that? She never once passed judgement on me..or yelled. She simply asked me why it was that I was doing those things. There were tears.. and to see her disappointed in me..and the fact that she now *knew* the horrible horrible things I was doing to myself..got me to clean myself up. I'm grateful to her for that because who knows how far it would have gone..or where I'd be now if it weren't for her.

So yes, there are times when I wish my sisters had that very same mother. I wish they knew her the way I do. But then again, I'm almost kind of glad they don't. I'm selfish that way.


I guess then..in a way, I can thank my mother for my children. Everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?