Thursday, June 28, 2007

Santa's thinking coal for you!

After a day of running errands, I carried the kids inside and put down the diaper bag. I looked at my keys and decided against bringing them with me back out to gather groceries as I'd already popped the trunk open.

Just as my arms were full of bags and I was ready to head back inside, I heard a huge SLAM!! My head jerked towards our house and my front door was shut.

Yes. The auto-locking front door. Closed by my 21 month old. My 4 month old inside screaming for food.

I left my keys on top of the dryer. We took the spare key out from the hiding spot. I have no keys on me at all..and my cellphone is also inside with the devilish one and the screaming baby.

I pounded on the door. I screamed obscenities. I tried to coax Calix into turning the knob for mommy. He sat at the bottom window and laughed at me. I told him "you know you're going to your room when mommy gets in there, don't you?" he said "yeah".


I went back and forth with my inner self "you can't leave your kids in the house while you go down to the office to get someone to open the GD door!" "but I HAVE to get inside! There's no other way! I can't crawl through any of these stupid windows!"


So I started heading down the street. I stopped. Hey, a guy my husband's deployed with lives at the end of this block. Hey..his wife is home. I'll bet she has a phone I can use. I rang the doorbell. Someone else opened the door so I started with my story "hi..I'm the wife of someone deployed with Sgt. Ruark..um..my kid locked me out of the house..do you have a phone I can use to call maintenance..?". Ruark's wife came to the door holding her teeny tiny new baby..and she happened to be on the phone with her husband at the time. He said he'd call her back (hey hey..our husbands are tight)..and then I had to explain my story to like 3 different people to get someone to my friggin house. MY BABIES ARE INSIDE ALONE!!! hahaha.

I headed back to my house and waited. And waited. And waited some more. All with Calix sitting on the floor at the bottom window..making squishy window faces at me and cracking up. Not funny. After about 15 minutes of sweating my ass off, someone finally showed up. He was hesitant to open the door because I didn't have my ID on me. "It's inside, I swear"..and then he was all "there are kids in there!" "I know! They're mine!". Whatever, I got in, showed him my ID and he was on his merry little way.

Calix spent 45 minutes in his room.

4 comments:

Hannah said...

Okay I know this wasn't funny at all when it happened but I just laughed my butt off reading it!! Little Calix. That sweet innocent little baby boy.


Are you laughing yet? No? Maybe tomorrow.

YogaNana said...

I thought it was pretty funny, too.

Jenna said...

Totally cracking up, Abby. The way you wrote it was so hysterical. You're funny. That little, Calix. Man, oh, man.

crystal said...

I read this last night and thought the same thing, but didn't wanna say I was laughing my butt off because I'm sure you were still a little upset about it. Come on him answering "yeah", and I can totally imagine him in that little window making faces...so funny.

But I'm glad the kids were ok, and you got back in! I know you're sending curses my way!