Saturday, April 28, 2007

Day 69 (41 to go before a visit!)

Maddox and I took a few pictures together while big brother Calix was napping earlier:

Seriously? Orion's old BDU shirts make me feel better when I'm having a rough time. So yes..I wear them from time to time.

This one's mostly up because he's like "this be my mom, bitches! Back up!" awww <3

I don't think there's too much to write about today. I've been reading a bunch of my olddddd journal entries on and I seriously can't believe that person in me ever existed. It almost makes me feel like..I don't know..dirty to read that stuff..and I mean it was MY LIFE!'s just strange. I don't feel like I've grown up at all since those days..but apparently I have. Even though I say inappropriate things every now and then. Look, I don't mean to offend anyone with the things I say..but apparently I do..and I'm sorry. I can only try to be a better person.

Oh! Hey..I quit smoking like 2 days ago or something. Whatever..not a big deal. Not like I was a huge smoker anyway. I've finally come to terms with it's just not for me..and well..I kind of want to be around for my babies without all of those medical issues that come with it all. And I'm *trying* to quit drinking as much as I do. I know..I'm horrible. But for starters..I've been mixing drinks instead of taking shots. So I'll have mixed drink in the evening instead of what I'd normally do. I don't know.. I mean..I like alcohol..I'm never going to pretend I don't. I just think I'm getting too old for drinking the way I used to. I think I'm going to go through my cocktails books and find a few fruity girly drinks I can alternate between..and have it only be on the weekends. It's irresponsible of me..and I know this. It's just that well..not drinking for *so* long (the pregnancy) kind of had me all bottled up in a way..and after I gave birth it was like GIMMIE!!! And so yes, I know I went a bit crazy with the whiskey consumption. Just trying to get that itch..scratched, ya know? Not that that's a fantastically good excuse..but hey, it is what it is. I never claimed to be perfect. And hey..perhaps I'll stop feeling like my life is more interesting than it actually is. I mean..I have stories..but at the end of the day? That's all they are.

I just want to focus on being a good mother..and someone people actually want to be around.

1 comment:

Jenna said...

You're a great person, Abby. And you're maturing if you're making decisions based on how they affect other people, instead of yourself, so that's what it's all about. Don't fret about the past...we all have one. You're awesome. Good for you for always trying to be better. And Maddox is getting cuter and cuter than ever! Love you!