Sunday, March 24, 2013

This Time

He's leaving again soon. I know I've had a vague countdown on Facebook for a while now and everyone must be thinking, 'you've been saying "soon" for months now!' Well, yeah, but that's because I cannot give accurate dates. Know that it's in the thirties. High end? Low end? Does it matter? Not really.
Anyway, so we're dealing with that. It got me thinking about the last time. We'd been married for a short year and a half. We had a 16 1/2 month old Calix and a 5 day old Maddox. We were still learning so much about one another. It's so strange to think of myself from that time (and to be able to go back and read the posts from that time). I was so young. Thrust into this life I knew nothing about. Kind of shocking to the system, really, when I think back on it.

Our 8th wedding anniversary falls shortly after he leaves this time. The boys are 7 and 6 and we've added Kaydence to the mix since. She's 2. We're older (though, not much), a bit wiser, and still completely into one another. I think we've got this problem. Hopefully, there won't be as many tears from me this time since I won't be dealing with a brand new baby and a toddler on my own. Though, a mouthy 7 year old brings its own challenges. And summer vacation with 3 kids on my own will prove to be difficult, I'm sure. I'll do my best.

Something else we've been thinking about - the countdown sex. It didn't happen last time. I think the last time we did was the night before Maddox was born when we still weren't positive that he was leaving..and then, ya know, I had JUST given birth and my body was in no condition for that sort of action. I couldn't even sit down to drive him and see him off. We hugged and kissed and cried our asses off at home, he called a cab, and off he went in the cold February night. That was a hard night for me. I brought newborn Maddox into bed with me and I cried most of the night.

But this time, we know when..almost down to the hour. And it seems so silly and morbid to think of it this way..but random acts happen and you just never know. Will the last time we're naked and entangled in one another be the very last time ever? That feels so sad to think about..but it's also a very real..very sobering thought. Of course everyone hopes for the best..but, still. So, we've definitely got countdown sexings on the brain.

He's got 4 more days left of work before he's out for the Easter holiday and then his 19 days of leave begin. We have a trip to Canada planned during that time..and as much naked time together as we can possibly get.

Here we go.