Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's been a while since I've been this embarrassed

I'm so embarrassed I'm so embarrassed I'm SO EMBARRASSED!

I'm sitting with the kids eating lunch and the doorbell rings. I thought maybe it was a package or something and open it to see a Forest City (the community we live in) guy holding a clipboard. Oh..crap. I stare at him..he says "I'm here to do your pre-inspection" "...? I had no idea.." "Yeah, today between 9 and 12 I'm to do your pre move out inspection" "my husband never told me" "..." "well, it's messy..come on in."

All I have to say is THANK GOD I'd already cleaned the kitchen and got caught up on everyone's laundry..and THANK THE STARS I halfway cleaned our master bathroom yesterday and our sheets were freshly washed and the bed was made. But otherwise? Complete disaster. Plus? I totally had no make up on and I look all tired.

I. Was. MORTIFIED! He's going through the check list..opening the oven, cupboards, fridge, he's pointing at all of the fingerprints on the sliding glass door and telling me I need to clean them off and do this and do that and stick the oven lightbulbs in the dishwasher before we leave to get the gunk off of them (or I could just change them..) and I'm assuring him that we ACED the cleanliness test of the last house we lived in so not to worry I just had no idea anyone was coming over..not that that's an excuse (but please, don't act like you don't spruce the place up before someone comes're just as guilty as I am and you know it). He glanced in the backyard and saw the taller than other peoples' grass (O's a little lazy sometimes) and reminded me that hi, we need to be cutting the grass (I KNOW) and about how the carpets need to be shampooed (but dude, they're TOTALLY cleaner than they were when we got here. You should have SEEN what we pulled out of your oh so clean office type carpets, mister!) and then we headed down the hall to Maddox's room where I think he near killed himself on all of the toys everywhere and then Calix's room where I was beyond embarrassed because the kid? He's apparently been playing with his blinds and bending them back and we either need to replace them ($40) or have maintenance come over and heat them back into place (free..hmm, guess what I'm going to pick). and then when he raised the blinds, the entire screen box thing FELL ONTO THE FLOOR and I'm like "*cough* oh um..well this is embarrassing. He's three. Calix! Go to the corner!" and then he goes into the boys' bathroom which is never horrible..except that Orion apparently left a couple of diapers in the trashcan in there a few days ago and it smelled like pee and then he walks into our bedroom, which please, you should have seen it this morning and he looks into our bathroom and part of me dies because I just dyed my hair a few days ago and the caulking in the tub? Randomly turned purple and WON'T COME CLEAN!! (even though I've dyed my hair dozens of times ALL OVER THE COUNTRY and NEVER had anything that freakish happen) and he looks at me and says "um..just clean all of this up.." and I'm like AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! crumbling to the floor in my mortification state but trying to laugh it off and I'm going to have some words with Orion because AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

He left. He left and after I put the kids down for their naps I called Orion like "Hey, thanks for telling me someone was coming over to do the pre-inspection today" "I didn't.." "I KNOW YOU DIDN'T!" "oh..hey, I forgot" "The house is a disaster!" and he kept trying to tell me it's not and DUDE YES IT IS. Also, my list of things to get in order here before vacating is wayyyy longer than it was at Knox (...the filters above the stove are changeable? Since WHEN??? And how come we lived at Knox for almost 3 years and it was never changed? But we've lived here for like 3 months and this one needs to be changed? This mysterious stove vent filter? I think he made it up hahaha) and I feel like maybe we should move into the new house on the 29th just to ensure everything on their stupid list is done before the final inspection on new year's eve. Ugh.

Such bull. I need a nap.

1 comment:

hilary said...

GE has these great new Caulk Singles. They were giving away free samples online not too long ago. I had to re-caulk the bath tub and they worked great.