Best. Vacuum. Ever.

My new favorite vacuum ever:




It's a Kirby and it was insanely expensive. See, this young guy kept coming to our door wanting to do a demonstration but it was weird timing (like when the movers were here bringing our stuff in..or the day after when our house was a disaster) so Orion asked him to come back on Tuesday after our house was put together and all of that. We had no plans of actually buying one because who spends THAT much on a vacuum, I mean really? But he was persistent and said he was new and that he would get $50 just to do a demonstration for us..okay..help the kid out. He asked when the last time I vacuumed was..and I told him that morning. I have kids so it gets done every other day or so. He then proceeded to vacuum..just the living room and oh my gosh. The disgusting filth he pulled up! The first pad was covered in nasty..the 2nd pad looked a little better and so on it went until he shampooed the living room carpet. We got to talking and ya know..Orion's trying to tell him it's just not in our budget and there's no way we could even make a $40 a month payment (which is ridiculous because of course we can..but it got the kid to keep lowering the final price) and I'm, at the same time, also selling it to Orion because 'we have kids! Look at their feet! They didn't even go outside today! Think about their health!' and I said some genius stuff (which I think the kid..who wasn't really a *kid* but a massive 18 year old Samoan..is going to use on his later pitches. He's welcome) and he was informing us about plastic vacuums and how they're really only good for a year and about how the only section they actually suck from is the small hose in the bottom and not the actual full foot or whatever you think they're really sucking from. He told this to the girl who used to dream of owning a Dyson.

He then asked if we wanted him to clean our mattress and I was all "but it's not a regular mattress..it's a Sleep Number..so it doesn't get as gross as the others do.." And hello? It's not even a year old yet..there's no *way* there's as much grossness in my bed as there is in other beds. Oh. My. Gosh. The skin! The dust! *gag* So disgusting. He asked how often I would probably clean the bed and I said weekly. Everyone laughed like I was joking. I'm not joking. That's grosser than gross.

I'm one of those people who get a thrill when they see something go from dirty to clean..and who get an extra spark of happy when they actually SEE what has come out of the dirty item in order to make it clean. In truth, I almost drool when I see a zit on Orion to pop or an ingrown hair to dig out or flaky skin from a sunburn to peel off. I'm weird like that (I think it's the ape in me haha). So imagine the feeling I got when I saw what this vacuum (no..lifestyle!) could do for me! I don't expect you to understand.


I figure..there's a lifetime warranty. It's the very last vacuum we'll need to buy and ya know, we're only in our 20's. It's an investment into our *future*, Orion. And because he grew up with a Kirby in his home and I didn't I said "you had a Kirby growing up. Did you have clean floors?" "yes" "I didn't have a Kirby growing up. Don't I deserve clean floors? Don't our *children* deserve a clean home?" And seriously..how can you say no to the health of your children? Seriously.


So.. a Kirby it is..and yes, I was offered a job selling them because hahahaha I'm convincing.


I'll get to putting pictures of the house up..give me time. All of the collapsed empty boxes are currently covering the entirety of our gym but we're taking them down to the recycling center later on today so..pictures soon!