I messed up on the day countings. Today is Day 46

Have you ever gone to the bathroom while wearing a tummy pack? Not so bad. Turns out it's more relaxing than you'd think seeings as you need to lean back further so the baby has actual chest to chest contact. Yes, I've also been wearing this thing just about all day. Maddox has been mighty clingy lately. If he's not being held..he's not happy. And sometimes? MOMMY NEEDS TO GET STUFF DONE, MADDOX! It doesn't mean I love you any less! But..it's cool. It's making me miss my mister sister, Jenna mighty hard right about now. If I needed to do something..or was in the middle of doing something and Maddox started crying, she'd pick him up and cuddle him..along with Conor. What I wouldn't give to be able to be there and do everything each child is requesting me to do the way Jenna can. She's like...Super Mom and I feel so inadequate compared to her. It's like..watch all three kids and make dinner while you shower? No problem! Good golly gosh. Bless that woman's heart. I know for a fact it's not easy..but she makes it look like it is. And for that? I love her.



Calix misses Conor already. Maddox has no idea what's going on.



I really should invest more into finding mommies who actually want friends around here..and perhaps someone..or a few someones who want to get out there and walk with me a few times a week. The boys love it..and lordy knows I need me some exercise. I can't believe I need to lose like 75 pounds to be at my "before I had any kids weight"! Out of control. I just don't see myself as heavy as I guess I actually am..which..don't get me wrong isn't a bad thing. I still see myself as this thin girl Orion once knew..and then knocked up..until I see pictures. And then it's like HOLY CRAP!! Who is that?!?!?! Oh yeah...it's me. The me who gained 48 pounds while pregnant with Calix..mostly due to preeclampsia..and the me who started to lose that weight and then O left for a few months and I ate my sadness away..and then gained another gross 30-ish pounds with Maddox. I think I'm thin until I try clothes on and they don't go past my thighs. What?? What happened? Oh yeah..my boys and food happened. I'm the only one to blame..and I know this. I just wish the whole process of losing weight was as easy as it used to be when I didn't have any kids and could walk 7 miles a day plus dance, lift weights, and do sit ups. It all seems so impossible now. Now that I'd have to pack a few bottles for Maddox..a sippy cup..along with some snacks for Calix..if I actually got to the point where I could walk 7 miles a day again. And I know.. I knowwwwww "Abby! Put the boys in daycare! Go to the gym! You get like 7 hours of free daycare a week because O's gone!"..stuff.. But I'm finding it hard enough to find the time to even FINISH Calix's application..muchless also get the boys dressed and head down to One Stop to turn it all in..oh wait, no.. I need an appointment first. Oh, and then because Maddox is now 7 weeks old, he's now eligible for daycare..and I'd have to go get him a signed physical from the doctor like I had to do with Calix and then probably re-fill-out the forms that I'm just not in the mood to fill out in the first place and blah blah blahhhhh. When did it become so hard to get someone to freaking BABYSIT while you go out and do stuff?? Hmm?? WHEN??? When I was a nanny and a babysitter..there was this thing called a phone. They needed me? They called..I answered.


Whateva. I'm not sure when this became a rant..but look, I heart Southern Comfort.