Grey Hair is Slowly Taking Over

Today seriously just must have been the day from hell. I had ALL sorts of things I wanted (..and needed in some cases) to get done today. Guess how many things I accomplished?
Well, I at least sorted the laundry into what goes into what room..and put the majority of my stuff and Calix's stuff away. I need to hang a few things up..but other than that, Calix and I are set. Maddox? Is an entirely different story. That kid's pile is like..never ending. So whatever..I'll do it tomorrow. Hopefully.
Forget about washing and or changing the bedding. It just wasn't going to happen. I did replace the batteries in Calix's mobile (while Maddox sat downstairs and screamed). Didn't fix Maddox's drawer (which is why the majority of his clean clothes are still in a pile on my bed...which is also part of the reason why I didn't get to wash my bedding today). You can go on and kiss my ass about sweeping the entire house. In fact, just a few minutes ago, I did the final run downstairs to grab the last minute night time stuff. I managed to clean off Calix's highchair tray from dinner and do a very quick..pick up of his toys..and I swept up only the food he dropped during dinner. You can also keep your pucker for the mopping too. Obviously.
I got to look at the bananas and think about making banana bread. But that's as far as I got with that one. I also looked at the dust. I did finish up Running With Scissors..and also watched Babel finally..and I watched The Devil Wears Prada again..because well, I hadn't seen it in a few months. I also watched every bonus feature. I totally got shoes delivered today..only they didn't knock on the door. They rang the doorbell *and* knocked. TALENT! Forget about even looking at Allrecipes.com..but! I *did* manage to stay in my jammies all day..with unbrushed hair to boot.

It was a total winning day, right? SO..why you ask..why oh why did I not get even the simplest task done?

BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD TAKE A F*CKING NAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not Calix (he sat up there screaming for an hour)..and even weirder..Maddox would. Not. Sleep. Unless of course, he was resting on my shoulder. And that? Is totally how I managed to watch all of those movies. If I put him down for a couple of minutes to go to the bathroom? SCREAMS! I couldn't believe such screams were coming from my itty bitty baby!

I yelled for them to "just take a nap!!"..and I even begged! I then cried. Not because it was just so important for me to get those things done today. They'll be there tomorrow. Not a big deal. I cried because I did not have one break from them all day. That's the time I enjoy the most. When I can just sit down and breathe for a few minutes.

How am I writing this now if I haven't had a break all day? Well, Maddox is in his vibrating rocking chair..and I'm rocking him with my foot while typing. Yes.. those kinds of skills I totally have.

SO.. I cried..and I found myself cursing Orion to myself..and then crying because I was doing that. I hate when I find myself not appreciating him like that, ya know? I just get so angry with the whole situation from time to time. I suppose it's normal. I even found myself getting kind of upset with him on the phone this morning after I'd had very little sleep. I told him I just feel like I'm single..even though I'm well aware I'm married..and I don't mean single by I'm out there LOOKING for guys or whatever..because please, they don't get any better than my husband. I just feel like a single mother. I'm doing everything every day on my own..so why shouldn't I feel that way, ya know? Anyway.. so I found myself getting all angry with him this morning.. kind of like "don't tell me what to do, I'm in charge here" over some advice about what to do with this 15 grand hospital bill I got for the MRI I oh so *had* to have..when we have insurance to the point where I shouldn't have gotten any kind of a bill at all. And I knew the answer..but he kinda just jumped in giving me phone numbers to call..when really, I was mostly just telling him I'd gotten that bill..and why does he think that would happen? Then he kept cutting me off and I was like "just *listen*!!". And I know he just wants to protect me and be able to give me all of the answers I need.. I know that. But sometimes I'm not looking for the answer.. I'm just telling you what's going on here. I felt all kinds of awful for jumping all over him and probably making him feel like he didn't belong here anymore...and I know the "I feel like I'm single and you're just another one of those guys who's interested in me" comment made him super sad (because he told me)..but I do and I'm not going to lie about it. Sometimes (like today) I feel like my husband just up and left me and his babies and isn't coming back. And THAT right there is why I feel like I'm a single mom. And that's also why I get so angry sometimes about his suggestions on what to do. It's like *you* left so *you* no longer have the right to be in charge of what goes on here.

I know that's so awful..and I can also tell that getting re-acquainted with him and slowly letting him do the same things he used to do around here is going to be so hard for me. I almost feel overprotective of my babies now.

But then again..most of this could be coming out just because I had *that* bad of a day. Hard to tell right now. I'll let ya know in the morning assuming my night isn't awful again.