Day 3 n stuff

Note to self: invest in some nursing pads a.s.a.p. I literally had to peel my bra off of myself last night. Holy ew.

So about yesterday. I don't know what it was, really. Maybe Calix is getting over the whole jealousy thing. Maybe I'm managing 2 kiddos better than I was. Maybe Calix is getting over this cold thingy he had and feels better about life. Or maybe? I really just needed to hear from my other half.

I guess I sent Orion a semi-scary e-mail a couple of days ago. Wait..I'll paste it.

"I'd love to sit here and write a well thought e-mail
like you did..however, I have kids. I have 1 terrible
terrible behaved child who WILL NOT do ANYTHING he is
told. And I also have 1 child who needs me more than
anything else and it kinda makes it hard to handle the
badly behaved one. 

 Please oh please buy a phone card, O. You don't even
need to ask about something like that. I'm so tired of
crying about everything..and to tell you the truth? I
*cannot* do this for 10 months. It feels so shitty to
say that..but I can't. And I know you're going to say
I can and that there's always help..and that there are
always ways for me to do things on my own..but honey,
you're not here. You have *no* idea what this shit is
like. I'm so angry about this whole thing..and I swear
to god I feel like I'm going crazy. Please tell me I'm
not. 

 I have zero appetite (and I kinda need to have one if
I'm expected to try to nurse this kid. milk doesn't
come from nowhere ya know)..I feel *so* sick..I hurt,
I'm tired, and I do not enjoy feeling murderous
tendencies towards my oldest baby. Do you understand
how awful that feels? Do you understand how SHITTY
that is to even voice???

 I don't know.. I can't even write this anymore.


I miss you to an extreme

saying I love you feels so out of place right now..but
know I do
-Abby"



 After talking to his chain of command (and omg showing them
that e-mail. How embarrassing!!), he wrote back and seriously
suggested I go to the mental health section thingy of the hospital. 
Oh my golly..I'm not crazy..I was just having a super hard day. I would
think he'd know me a bit better than all of that nonsense..but I
guess he kinda just freaked out (p.s, I'm not the only wife with
problems..though I am the one who has it the hardest out of all of them
right about now. Someone elses' wife like..literally lost it. Ended up in the
hospital.) and did what he thought was best for the time. Silly husband.
He's so hot. hehe


 Anyway, Orion called me at like 6:30 in the morning yesterday..and we talked
and talked about everythin that's been going on. He just makes me feel better,
ya'll. It must have just been a great way to start the day. I was super calm all
day..Calix mostly obeyed..and when he didn't, he ended up in his playpen. It
was just..easie than it has been in a while. So, I'm grateful.

 I think that if today is fairly warm out..I'll strap Maddox to my chest and let
Calix out into the sunshine to run aroun and do little boy things. 


But fah reals on those nursing pads..