Today was so insanely hard on me. I know..it's the first day of this whole thing..but that's not even it. I'm more than capable of taking care of 2 children on my own...and Orion's been away from home before. But Calix decided to up and get sick on me..as if the adjustment wasn't hard enough on him, right?
So I'm dealing with a runny nose, coughing, diarrhea, and just general grouchiness from him..and he wants to cuddle. I would love to cuddle him..however, does it always have to be when I'm nursing???
And that's another problem for me. Nursing's actually working out this time around..however, it takes up *so* much time. And what with me doing this alone..I feel like I can't be there to do everything Calix needs me to do and also nurse this baby as much as he needs. I feel so torn about the entire situation. While I know breastfeeding's the best I can do for Maddox..I also cannot be tied down all day everyday to the point where my other child feels left out. So as hard as it'll be for me to do again..I may need to do formula.
I seriously started crying when I wrote that last sentence.
Also? I put Calix down for bed like 45 minutes ago..and he's still in there crying. I get it..I know he's sick and feels awful..but I can't be in there with him all night holding him.
If one kid isn't pooping..the other is. And the same goes for crying/whining.
I feel like I'm losing.
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