Oy.

I feel so tired. Orion told me the deployment date last night (or rather the date they'll be all set and ready to go but it could be a bit after that as well). It all seems so final..and I can't help but feel heartbroken..kind of like I'm being abandoned even though I know I'm not. It just feels that way. I've basically been glued to him since he told me..and even though I enjoy my own space while I'm sleeping, I fell asleep with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. It's so hard. It's just so hard to think about doing all of the day to day things without him..or at least picking up the phone and calling him when something funny happens..or to come rescue me when I can't get the smoke alarms to shut up. To just not know when the next phone call will come..how many days will we go without hearing eachother's voice? He's my favorite and I adore the daylights out of him, ya know?
Having this kid without him is a completely different story..and I know I've talked about it quite a bit already..but the closer it gets to deployment and my due date? The more real it all becomes.. and I? AM SCARED.
If I didn't have a little person to look after, I would probably just curl up into a ball on the bed and want to be left alone.