Bite this, biotch

Have I ever mentioned my kid's a biter?

Because he is.

He always seems to catch me when I'm not paying attention..or am sitting at the table eating yogurt or something. Just sneaks right on up and bites my big toe (seriously..is the polish that tasty looking?). He got so mad at me a couple of days ago..because apparently, I wasn't shoveling rice into his mouth fast enough..he was slapping my leg (that's right..sometimes? my kid totally stands in front of me and I feed him like that. whatever, it works) and screaming..and then? Fire. It felt like there was fire just rushing through my leg. So, I screamed and looked down at what happened. MY KID BIT MY CALF!! Sure enough there were 4 little teeth marks at the scene of the crime.

Then I did something I'm not proud of (and I called Orion sobbing after it happened)..I slapped his wrist with 2 of my fingers. I didn't think it was hard..but with my screaming and then that..it was enough for him to drop to the floor crying and screaming..and a couple of fat tears made their way out of his little eyes and then look at me, stand up and cry "mamaaa mamamamaaa". My heart broke into a million pieces. I scooped him up and held him so tight telling him over and over how sorry I was..and mommy didn't mean it..and oh my gosh, I'm *so* sorry. And I so wished I could rewind what'd just happened and take it all back. I didn't mean it..I didn't. And to be honest, I'm crying now thinking about it. It was just that sad. My baby..my little guy. So, I called Orion crying telling him I'm the worst mother ever..and he kept telling me I wasn't...and I kept insisting that I just felt like I had to be. I swore I would *never* lay a hand on any of my children because I'm just that traumatized from my own childhood still. and even though it wasn't an entire hand..and there wasn't any real *anger* in what I did..it just scared the shit out of me. I never ever want my kids to have a day where they don't think their parents love them. I want the kind of family that hugs and kisses and tells eachother that they love them..because I *always* wanted that growing up..but it just wasn't our style. Seriously..it wasn't our style so much so that..when I go to give my own mother a hug now that I'm older..it just feels weird. I love her..and I know she loves me..but we just weren't ever a lovey dovey family like that.

I didn't mean to write all of that..but it just kinda came out.