Be Still My Hormonal Heart

Lately I've been feeling like my heart could just leap right on out of my chest. I'm sure it's just hormones getting the best of me..but I know I never had these feelings while pregnant with Calix. I think I now have something to compare mommy love to.

A few days ago, Orion was trying out the 'put Calix in his crib when he's acting out for no reason' technique while I was in the kitchen making stuffed shells. He wasn't calming down at all..like he normally does for me when I put him up there. After wails and wails from the little guy, Orion went up to get him. He looked at me and let out the most pathetic sobs (ya know..the kind where the kid's been crying so hard for so long and they're trying to calm down but they just can't sobs) I've ever heard in my life. My immediate reaction when hearing them? I made them back because I felt *that* sad for him. "Oh my god oh my god.. Calix.. come here!" I hugged him so hard and rocked him for a little while till he calmed down. It literally felt like my heart would leap out of my chest and fall to the floor!


Last night, Orion made me watch The Hills Have Eyes. Lemme get one thing clear right now: movies like that? Don't normally bother me. I noticed last night..I can't watch anything scary while pregnant. I forget what it was I watched with Calix..but it frightened me to such an extreme I spent the night trying to unclench my tummy muscles. The part in the one we watched last night..that had to do with the baby? When ya know..the guys are being creepy? I'm like "don't take the baby!! oh my god, don't touch the baby!" and Orion's kind of chuckling..and then? The baby's life is totally threatened. I literally *screamed* "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and started sobbing. Tears were streaming out of my eyes so rapidly and I couldn't make them stop. I knew it was silly to be acting that way..but I just couldn't not. Orion saw this "awww..baby..it's okay!" "I know.. I feel stupid..and my throat hurts from screaming.". It's one of those unexplainable emotions for me..but I'm sure many other mommies out there feel..and have felt..the exact same way at some point. It's like..your love for these little people is so extreme that it *hurts* to see one of their little lives be threatened like that. Lesson learned. No more scary movies while I'm pregnant.


In happier news..I finally taught Calix how to wave! Oh thank golly! I wasn't quite ready to get out of bed this morning..so when he started doing the whole 'I'm ready to get up' bit..and even the mobile wasn't doing anything for him anymore..I zombie-walked to his room, picked him up and brought him back to my room "Mommy's not ready to go play yet". We snuggled for a little while..and then he started staring at his hand like he's done so many times before. I matched mine up with his..and then one by one..started tucking my fingers away till only a fist showed. Then one by one..they'd reappear. I kept doing this in many different patterns and showed him where the fingers were actually hiding "just because you don't see them..doesn't mean they're not really there". I then turned my hand to him and waved baby-like. He tried the finger trick..tucked his thumb back..and then immediately freaked out when he didn't see his own thumb anymore. He checked for it..and there it was. He then turned his hand towards himself and proceeded. to. wave. AHHH!!! He did it! He finally did it!! I then started teaching him that waving means more than one thing. Like when daddy comes home in the morning, he can wave to say "hello"..and when daddy leaves to go back to work, he can wave "bye bye". That might have been a bit too much for one morning, I'm sure..because he then tried to stick his "inky" (binkie) in my mouth. My kid shares (have I ever mentioned that?) he'll offer you his binkie when you're sad (it calms him down..) or just look like you need a good binkie..and he'll also offer you his milk. Sometimes he'll try to trade his binkie for a treat 'I'll give you this..if you give me that..' my little ninja!


I have my first OB appointment on Wednesday at 2. The lady seriously told me not to bring Calix. Yeah..okay..where the crap am I going to put him? Set him in his playpen and just hope he'll be okay alone? I don't think so. Orion can stay with him out in the hallway or something. He's not signed up for daycare yet (yes, another appointment we have to make. ughh)..so anywhere we go? He follows. I mean..I suppose I could go alone..but that wouldn't be much fun, would it? I'm hoping they'll also do the first ultrasound on Wednesday..and I'll get to see the little person!