Saturday, June 23, 2007

Without sounding too crazy or whatever..I've been seriously worried about my mental health lately. Yeah, it sucks to have Orion gone and all of that..but it sucks more that he's here. I love having him around..that's not it. I've just been *extremely* depressed the majority of his visit. I don't want to get out of bed most days..I pawn the children off on him..I cry ALL the time...I'm just tired. I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life and I don't want to feel that way when he's only here for 3 more days. We make plans to go out and do things..but then when it comes down to it, I'm just too tired. I shower..get my make up..all of it..but I'd rather sleep. I feel like vomiting just about constantly..and it's just..uuuuggghhhh!!!!

I know a large chunk of it is probably because I know he's leaving again..but this time for twice as long. I think maybe I need to go to a doctor to get on meds or something for this crap because I seriously feel like..I don't life is in danger or something. I feel like I cannot have him gone for another 8 months..and I'm just so angry about it. There are days I'm okay with it all..and there are days that I just hate him for all of it.

I'm well aware depression and bipolar disorder runs in my family. Maybe I'm on that list now?


YogaNana said...

Whether you're on that list or not, please do go see a doctor, Abs. We worry about you way out there alone with the babies all the time, and while it's been happy to know you've got Orion there for now, it's going to be awhile before you have him home to keep.

I wish we had room for you and the boys to come stay with us til he's home again.

Friglet said...

You definitely need to go see someone. You don't need to be feeling this way. It's no wonder your depressed, you have a lot to deal with. Especially knowing he's leaving again. But you'll feel better if you go talk to a doctor.

hilary said...

I think you're stronger than you realize. But if talking to a doctor, or taking some medication will help you feel like yourself again, I think it's a wonderful idea. I wish nothing but the best for you! Let me know if there's anything I can do. *big hugs*