Day 23

I couldn't do it this mornning. The whole..day thing. Maddox..for the 3rd day in a row..woke me up at 3 this morning and cried/whined/ate/burped/pooped repeat and refused to let me snuggle or dance or rock him back to sleep. It..was..useless. Anything I did that didn't involve attempted nursing (which..ps? I seriously make about an ounce. total.)..or a bottle in his mouth brought on screams of unhappiness. THREE IN THE A.M!! It, of course, carried on until Calix woke up..and then Orion called. It was one of those mornings where I cried because ugghhh I'm soooo tirreddddd and I have all of these things to tell Orion but none of which I can remember because I'm so tired and he has to go soon and Calix is acting up and Maddox has started crying *again* and oh my gosh oh my gosh..no wait..don't hang up..I have stuff to say! ..I just need time to remember it all. So I started crying those burning tired morning tears..and Orion refused to hang up with me like that..no matter if he *was* supposed to be at the gym doing PT or not..his wife's more important and he won't leave it on a bad note like that.

So..I calmed down a bit..and I remembered most of the small silly things I wanted to tell him (do you understand how hard it is to go through the day to day and want to share all of these small tidbits with the person you usually share them with...but they're not there so you kind of have to try to remember them all so you can share those things with said person when they call you next??)..and I felt better..but still exhausted. I let him go and then brought Calix down to Lyndsay with what was probably the most pathetic look on my face ever. I probably looked more like a zombie than her aunt this morning. I got him his milk and poured out some corn Chex on his highchair tray "Lynds..would you mind watching him for a little bit? I barely slept at all last night..and I just can't do today right now". She said of course and to go to bed.

I finally got Maddox all settled in and we slept for the next 2 hours before he woke up crying for food..again.

But 3 days in a row of no sleep..I just couldn't do that to my body anymore. Couldn't do it.



Wanna hear something totally aggrivating that I keep forgetting to write in here? So listen..before they deploy..they each have these huge "tough boxes" (like really really big Rubbermaid chests that get padlocked) that they put whatever they want down range in and then load them into a connex and have everything shipped over seas. Well..they're landlocked so "the enemy" is hired on I guess to get everything brought over to them. Anyway, when they opened the connex..they realized it looked a bit light. It wasn't the way it was when they shipped it. Raided. Pakistanis went through each tough box and took anything that may be of any value..so they can sell it (or keep it I guess). All of the movies Orion brought over? Gone. Both of his marble chess sets? Gone. His coveralls? Gone. Everything? Gone. His loss wasn't nearly as bad as some other guys' though. A tv set..an X-Box..dvd players..but the one we feel is the most priceless was a photo album one of the guys brought over filled with pictures of his family. What would anyone ever want with that? It's just awful. Another guy brought over all of the letters his now wife wrote him when they were just dating while he was in bootcamp. Those are gone too. The list goes on and on and on. It's mostly just sad.


Time to shower before Calix gets up from his nap and wants to go outside to play for a while.