AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The tears on my eyelashes have turned cold. Is this what a breakdown feels like?
I hate you for leaving me like this.
I can't even tell you how much time I spent today with my face in my hands on the verge of tears..or actually crying. It seemed to be too often.
Is this *really* my life??? Are you kidding me?!?!?!!!
Calix went to bed without any milk. I don't even care. With the way he was acting (yeah, he totally kicked Maddox in the head today) I refused to let him think he was being rewarded for his behavior. Not that he really *drinks* his nighttime milk anyway. Takes a couple of sips. But still, I refused to reward crappy behavior like that. He also went to bed 30 minutes early. Mommy does *not* deal with bad little boys who want to throw water all over their infant brother during bath time..or little boys who slam their heads into walls/doors repeatedly. You wanna slam your head into something? Here..have the mattress. Slam away, kid.
I feel like his antics stress Maddox out while he's eating. I feel this way because whenever he's being a handful, Maddox's eyes are all buggin out of his head and he stops eating. Obvious much? And of course he's really only a handful when Maddox is eating..but come *on*, guy! You have mommy's attention ALL day! So selfish.
I don't know..I'm just so tired. I run around so much during the day..that I swear to you..I have this constant girly sweat going on (please..I don't drip. I glisten.). I can't even remember the last time I ate a real meal. I haven't been keeping track of how much water I've been drinking, either. I have a feeling it's only like 30 ounces..which is like a third of what I normally drink. I haven't even had time to go outside and bring the trashcan back. And I think someone took our recycling bin. Whatever..we have another.
When Calix is good? Man..he's the best. My heart melts all over again. But lately? He's more bad than good and I'll tell ya.. it's killin me.
I feel so bad that this is Maddox's introduction to the world.
About Me
- Abby
- Watertown, New York, United States
- I'm 30, married to a man of the US Army sorts. We have 2 boys Calix (8) and Maddox (6) and a girl, Kaydence (2) and while I don't claim to be the greatest mother in the world, I'm certainly doing the best that I can on the little sleep I get.
NieNie
Aww, thanks
1 comment:
Abby,
Unfortunately, this is your life right now. But not forever. And this horrible day will not be tomorrow. Only today. You'll have others, but this one is over. You're learning the lessons of boys: melt your heart one minute, make you want to slam their head (or yours)into a wall the next. This cycle will be repeated over and over for the next 18 years at least. But the melting heart thing is more frequent and makes up for the slamming head thing. I know this cycle very well. Just last night, in fact, I sent two of my FOUR sons to bed without dinner because they had misbehaved while I had to run an errand and when I got back and heard about their infantile antics I didn't even want to see their faces. Of course, I heard them crying hours later because they were so hungry and sorry and wished they had a remote control to rewind time and take it all back like in the movie, and well, my heart melted and I let them get up at 10pm and eat some dinner. It's okay. They're boys!
Calix isn't selfish, trust me. Your baby boy couldn't be selfish. He's just confused and transitioning and he must learn that this alien baby who just came one day and is hogging his mommy is actually staying...forever...and eventually he'll warm up to the idea and be a terrific little brother. I bet you're the perfect mommy for those two little rugrats. Firmness and love.
I'm sorry you had a meltdown day. I've had so many of those in my life I knew exactly what you were going through. Add to that your postpartum hormones, and oh golly! What a rollercoaster you're on! Allow yourself some crappy days and be grateful when the night comes and it can be over. Cry a lot. It's very cathartic and it feels so good! (And crying is better than screaming, I've learned) I wish I was there to help you out! When I come I'll take such good care of you. Hang in there. I love you so much and you're doing a great job! The days are counting down....
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