I woke up in the middle of the night to get something to eat. I can't tell you how embarrassing that is for me. It's the first time anything like that has *ever* happened and I feel all fat and ashamed.

I guess it would sound better if I said I'd been up since 4 with the kiddo kicking around (I swear there are 2 in there sometimes), Orion snoring up a storm, and my tummy growling something fierce. I waited till his alarm went off at 5:30 and told him I give up..I needed to go eat something. So there I am..5:45 in the morning..making a raisin bagel with cream cheese.

"I'm so embarrassed, O"
"why?"
"because I woke up to go eat. I'm so pregnant"
"I think it's cute"

I do have to say I felt all sorts of better after that and went upstairs to pass back out.



Yesterday, we went in to update our Wills. I can't tell you how depressing..yet safe..it makes me feel to know I'm 24 and have a Will. Suppose we die tragically before Calix is 18..Orion had the kids going to his mom. I was like "nonono" and just about immediately got on the phone with one of my sisters (I love his mom..I do. she cracks me up..but he tells me stories and it just makes me feel so sad for him. Like ya know..the time he was 13 and getting snipped and as he's walking out of the hospital and going a bit slow because hello? HE'S 13 AND JUST GOT SNIPPED she was all "hurry up, Orion..stop being such a wussy" which awww..I just want to hug him).

So now, the kids are going to Hannah. Our Will executor is my father..and I know that sounds so weird..but I figured well, he's a lawyer and he knows more about this kind of stuff than anyone else we know. We had trusts set up for the kiddos as well that, I'm sorry, they don't get until they're 21 (ya know..if we go early) because I don't want them to do dumb stuff with it when they're 18. I'd much rather they get a house or something. Hannah is the trustee..I figured that made sense because she'll have the kids anyway.

I chose to be cremated and Orion chose to do the military funeral and then be cremated. We left with forms that we need to fill out in detail ya know..where we'd like our remains to go and things of the such. And so far? I totally just wanna hang out in a sexy urn. Pshh..scatter me and I'll have your ass! But this is just how I feel at 24.


I also had to fill out a living Will which hello? Scared the crap out of me. I chose to not suffer...ya know. If I'm dying..let me friggin die. But then I also left it up to Orion (and if he's gone at this point, Hannah) to make the final call on whether or not they think I could actually pull through or to just let me go. I don't know why I checked that I didn't want to donate my organs..because I'm an organ donor..but I think at that moment it scared me so bad that I just..checked no. I think I should go back in to fix it at some point. I mean..I can't promise I have anything worth using..but if I do, go for it.


I have all of the Christmas presents to be shipped out all packed up and ready to go to the post office..probably tomorrow.

I have an ultrasound on Friday morning..to do the for sure sex check. Hopefully I'll end up with some darling 4D pictures of this little person. And this time, Orion's allowed in the room to see the baby..so he's all excited hehe.

Michelle gets here Saturday morning. I'm just hoping she has a good time here instead of going back home like "worst. money. spent. EVER!" hahaha.

Lucky Michelle "gets" to go to my doctor's appointment with me on Monday morning..and awww..she'll hear her first baby heartbeat. Awww. She's also excited to get to feel the baby kick because she's never gotten to do that either. I'm excited that while she's here, Orion and I will get to go out on a friggin date FINALLY (it's seriously been over a year)..and though I wouldn't normally trust my child with someone I've only known over the internet for about 8 years now..she's a nanny and she's going to school to be a special needs teacher..so it's not like I have zero faith in her (plus, he'll probably be asleep when we leave anyway).

There's other stuff, I'm sure..but this has dragged on far too long and my child's in here waiting to go downstairs to get some breakfast and watch his morning cartoon.