Nightmares and reality

I should be getting dressed and doing the whole make up thing while the little one's taking an effing nap..but I'm still a bit shaken up from my dream last night. The entire dream was the most violent shit ever.
O and I like went to go see a movie called American Soldiers or something along those lines..but there weren't ever really any previews except to basically tell you what the name of the movie was..and what it was rated. So we go thinking it'll be like..an army movie (cause lemme tell ya how many I've seen since being with this man)..but it's not. It's so anything but. The entire "movie" is like..people going around killing everyone in the most graphic ways. Even their own mothers (no..seriously. this one guy? slit his mom's throat and then tagged a house's exterior with her spraying blood. no shit.). It just went on and on like that all night..but obviously..we were now *in* the movie instead of just watching it..or it felt like it anyway..and I had to keep reminding myself that it was only a movie..only a movie.
It ended up being one of those dreams where no matter how many times you wake up..when you go back to sleep, it just picks up where you left off.
When I woke up to Calix making his morning sounds..I so wished O was there in bed with me so I could cling to him and tell him I had a horrible nightmare. It scared me *that* much.

I've literally only had 2 small cups of coffee during this pregnancy..but I'm tellin ya..because of last night, I'm draggin so hard that I think I'll go make a small cup. Calix and I are going to the PX today to see if they have any decent shaped cake pans (like a car..or a plane or something)..and pick up some cake decorating tools..because I've decided to do his cake myself instead of having a bakery do it (seriously? I was looking through Walmart's book of cakes yesterday..and they were all so white trash..and I can't let myself do that.). and besides..homemade cakes are so much better.

And I guess I have to also head over to the commissary and do a bit of grocery shopping..which is totally nerve wracking for me..because I haven't gone grocery shopping on my own in almost 6 months..and at that time, I had a kid that was strapped to me..and after the whole ordeal..after bringing the groceries out to the car..loading calix up in his seat, driving the 2 blocks back home..bringing him inside..and then heading back up the hill to unload everything from the car, I was like a sweaty mess. SO now I have a 12 month old who reaches out and tries to touch everything..and gets antsy..and all of that fabulous stuff. I'm also not looking forward to trekking all of said groceries back to the house (hey..it's orion's job). Shoot..maybe I'll just get a few things for dinner, breakfast, and lunch tomorrow..because O gets home tomorrow night..so I'll make him help me do the rest of the shopping. Woo..can't *wait* to do this all on my own (calix in the shopping cart..baby strapped to me..) for a fucking year. I swear..I'll be a frazzled mess by the time O comes home.

hmm..coffee.