Frazzled

Oh my god oh my god. The paramedics were just here. I'd love to have a copy of that 911 tape. I called all sobbing like "I guess I need to have someone come out here and see if my son's okay.." "What happened, ma'am?" "He had a chunk of glass in his mouth and he's bleeding. I put a wet paper towel in there..and applied pressure.. but I'd just like someone to come out and make sure he's okay" "Where'd the glass come from?" "Part of the comptuer table shattered a little while back..and we thought we got all of the glass, but apparently not. It's okay, Calix..shhh.. I mean, he laughed about it..so he's obviously not hurt..but I'm just scared and I'd like someone to come make sure he's okay" I kept saying that over and over "I just wanna make sure he's okay" "Ma'am, where are you?" "Fort Knox" "Okay..where are you?" "Uh..at home" "Ma'am..what's your address?" Dude.. don't be a bitch. I'm frazzled.. just ask me for my fucking address to begin with. Golly.

He was playing where mommy tells him not to play! And I saw him reach for a wire and try to put it in his mouth, so I ran over and grabbed him away from it. Sat down on the couch..and I saw something red in his mouth. "what's in your mouth..?" So I reached in and pulled it out. A huge chunk of glass. GLASS!!! Blood was everywhere.. dripping onto his white onesie. "holy shit.. holy shit!! Are you okay?? Calix!! Are you okay?!?! Oh my god.. oh my god.." And I ran to get a wet paper towel.. stuck it on the cut and pressed. I picked up the phone and called Orion..cause he's out in the field.. and of course, doesn't get any reception where he's at. Fuck. So I left a message "Baby..hi.. um.. I think I need to take Calix to the hospital..because well, you know the computer desk and how it broke? Well, he found a piece of glass and was chewing on it. There's blood everywhere.. so um.. I think um.. I think I need to call 911.. so I'm going to go do that. Oh god I wish you were here right now.. okay.. um.. well..call when you get a chance. I love you". So then I'm sitting on the couch holding a paper towel in my son's mouth trying to get the bleeding to stop.. and sirens! Glorious sirens! I haven't felt that sort of relief in a long time. The relief that someone's coming to make everything all better!

They came in and were like "Oh! 9 month old *baby*. It's a baby..not a 9 year old!" "I told the guy he was 9 1/2 months old..and he was like '9?' so I said 'yeah'." Whatever. They looked in his mouth.. I showed them the chunk of glass and told the story again.. and then an MP (military police for all of you civies) showed up to tell me how bad of a mommy I am. Okay, that's not true. Just to file a report or something, I guess.. and they checked him out as Calix is smiling away like 'Oo! Friends! Why are their hands turquoise??' and I'm asking if he's okay.. and I'm shaking. I'm shaking so hard I feel like I'm going to throw up. IS MY SON OKAY?!?!!?!!!! And they said he looked fine.. but did I want him to go to the hospital anyway..and I said if he's *okay* then I don't think he'll need to.. did they think he needed to? They said no..but they went out to their special truck and called a doctor to make sure that because he's so young if it's okay that he not show up.. and then they had me sign a form. And then Sgt. Colby's husband rolls up like "Mrs. Delgado?" "Yeah?" "Did you need me to get a hold of your husband in the field and have him come home?" "I called his cellphone..but he doesn't get service out there.." "My wife's a 1st Sgt..if you need him here, we can get him here" "Um.. no.. I think we'll be okay.." "Okay, well if you change your mind and decide you need him here, come over and ask" (They live in the next section of townhomes next to us) "I will. Thank you. You're Sgt Colby's husband, right?" "Right." Geeze.. sorry, I didn't wanna emasculate you or anything. "I will, thank you" and then a few minutes later.. I was thinking 'dammit.. I should have asked him to get a hold of Orion..cause then he'd come home and hug me and cuddle Calix and just be my security blanket and tell me everything's okay. Because seriously? I was waiting for someone to tell me everything's okay! 'Ma'am, everything's okay..so you can stop shaking now' that's all I need.

After they left, Calix clung to me and hugged me and I told him to "never scare your mommy like that ever again!" and I hugged him so hard. And then? I was thinking.. 'oh shit.. he's a boy. he's always going to be scaring me' and 'oh no..is this what being a mommy is always going to feel like? always terrified that your child could potentially get hurt..so worry worry worry!' and oh my god.. I want to hug every single other mother out there.. and maybe give them a recording of an ambulance siren..because that siren means everything's going to be okay.